My pitch for the next James Bond movie. Pierce Brosnan is gone, and since the obvious choice of Will Ferrell won’t work as he’ll probably says no, who better than Chris Kattan in his whining-mode? Miss Moneypenny will be played by Alanis Morrisette—as the part demands someone who can scream loud and intimidating. I mean, she killed Ben Afflek in Dogma. Q is played by Bruce Campbell to give the movie some class and weight.

JAMES BOND

Miss Moneypenny. Eh, would you have sex with me?

MISS MONEYPENNY

No.

JAMES BOND

Pleaseeee? I can give you a quarter.

MISS MONEYPENNY

No, and you know why? You look like a FOETUS!

JAMES BOND

Okay.

———

Q

To heck with it, Bond. It’ll fly. With or without your right hand intact.

JAMES BOND

Really?

Q

Yeah. This car, it’s a classic 1973 Oldsmobile Delta Royale. Trust me, you can do anything in this baby. Once a friend of mine dro…

JAMES BOND

Really?

Q

Mr Bond. Just, shut up and listen will ya you cheesecake. Stop doing that!

JAMES BOND

Do what?!

Q

You look like a foetus when you smile like that. Cut it out. You’re scaring people away from the franchise.

Comments

1. And the Kattan idea credits goes to me. Well. No time standing here with my schnitzel flapping in the breeze.
   — Tommy    (@ 22. May 2004, 19:11)
2. Only because we both know Will Ferrell would never sink so low as playing James Bond.
   — Nicklas    (@ 22. May 2004, 19:23)
3. Wankers.
   — Ola    (@ 24. May 2004, 17:16)

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