Today’s episode of Walker Texas Ranger is #38 Tiger’s Eye.

Rich girl gets kidnapped by Japanese mafia—this is episode 38 after all and as such they probably have already put an end to all other forms of organized crimes. She however won a rodeo last year and had the toy-version of the Texas Ranger star to prove it. Chucky also knows her father. Of course there’s hell to pay.

The Japanese leader isn’t just an ordinary Japanese—he’s a Mongol set free into the world to wreak havoc in the Shadow. The whole kidnapping deal is just a ruse though as he got some beef with the girl’s father’s head of security, Khan from Xena: Warrior Princess. This is like battle of the bands except with a honour-fight to the death.

There’s a big showdown at the zoo in the middle of the episode and that explains everything—it’s a remake of Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment except with a few changes here and there to fit in this epic battle between Genghis Kahn’s brother Khan and his once loyal subject (or so I suppose). Not even Chucky kicking the head of people who stand still works, as Khan just shakes the blow off. Khan beats Chucky back into a lifeless puppet with a karate version of the famous Vulcan nerve pinch.

Even late when there’s a samuraiesque duel, they intercept the Texas Rangers boxing henchmen in the face. Who cares?! There’s a duel, with swords! This awful decision probably made Akira Kurosawa to try to dig his way out of his coffin to give the responsible a swift knee in the happy-sacks.

And that’s the problem: this isn’t very epic. It’s pretty darn snooze inducing. It’s a useless action show with a horrible script at half the speed of a Peter Greenaway movie. What have the audience done to deserve this? This is a disgrace. I would rather be high on cake instead of watching this, but it is Walkerwatch -05—the ultimate endurance test.

From today’s heartbreaking episode I learnt that George Cheung pops up at the strangest places.

The effects this episode had on me was that it gave me a slight headache.

Comments

1. Why would anyone watch Walker? And if anyone did actually watch Walker, why would this person admit to watch Walker?
   — Ola    (@ 20. June 2005, 15:52)
2. It’s the ultimate endurance test. Climbed two mountains in under a week? What a wuss. Saw twelve episodes of Walker Texas Ranger? Fuck me, that takes some balls as well as a fucking strong mind to survive.
   — Nicklas    (@ 20. June 2005, 17:26)
3. I see, you have a point. I don´t fully understand the point, but I kind of agree in a “nooooooo!” kind of way.
   — Ola    (@ 21. June 2005, 18:21)

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